This is not the first time I said to myself that I'd be beginning anew. There's numerous instances that I promise God not to rebel against him, but I constantly failed to do that. It makes me feeling confused, lost, and guilty again and again.
Our pastor said in one of his preaching - never promise anything to God, because we are bound to fail due to the carnal nature we posses inside our bodies.
It's difficult to promise anyway, especially to a supreme and almighty God who owns everything in the universe. What more can we give God if He has everything. I cannot give anything to God except to obey what He says. Just like what our parents instruct us to do, because they provided everything we need when we were still young and helpless. No other thing to do except to follow so you won't be punished nor deprived of what you want.
I could only hope and pray that I could always be like a child, helpless and reliant to the Father. Offerring to Him everything I have...but its really tough.
Beginning anew, whatever is inappropriate should be stopped. I never intended to hurt anybody, but perhaps, if that's what should be done, then it should be done. I let go of the things to work together, and wait for the good that it will bring to me.
Beginning anew, I want to STOP. I want to look at the sky. I want to pray. I want to pray, pray, pray; because I failed to fervently do that. I would always thought God hears my heart whisphering short studs. Yes, He hears everything...knows everythin...even things we don't want anybody to know. He knows my everything in us. But I rarely give longer time to speak to Him. I am so full of the things around me that the things I always preach to my younger friends had been the least thing I did. Glad that those young folks listen...while they don't know that I don't really LISTEN in full to myself. I don't want them to be like me.
I need Jesus, I pray that You never let me go, even if at times I turn my back on you with the things that I do...hold me my Lord while I'm in this troubled water, don't let me drown. Only you can re-arrange everything to begin anew.
As CHVN radio reminder always say - "When the world stops making sense, turn to us."
Beginning anew, while the world stops making sense on me, I want to return to Jesus....