Monday, December 22, 2008

It's My Birthday

Another year...another day...another hour...another second...a life of ups and downs. I am now beginning a new year, should I say happy birthday or happy new year to me?

Its my first birthday in the North, and its not as happy as in the South. I prefer being there, but I have the best thing with me today. I would be lonely, but I am not...I am sad, but I'm happy....I am with no love but I love you.

Thank you to my Lord for all the things you brought into my life, good or bad...happy or sad...painful or's a handful mixture of everything to make me realize many things.

And today, I felt the most wonderful feeling of being cared for, thanks to that one good person. And I am with my dad today...thanks to PJ again for them.

I'll wake up tomorrow, gonna work again...gonna face another plain day in this cold stricken prairies....snow falls....wind blows...and I am a year older.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Midnight Dews

Alone in the room, I listen to Aiza Seguerra's rendition of Gary Valenciano's Fool Till The End, and I can't help but think how fool I am to be still attached to someone who doesn't really deserve it. I don't know but maybe its just me, or its just time wouldn't let me let go of it.

At this point, I'm a little bit confused, that's why I need to pray, but the more I want to pray right now, the more I am unable to. Could anybody do this for me? Even if I have a shelter here, I am a homeless nobody in a far away, cold-stricken land.

Autumn changes the colors of the leaves, and as days pass by, the surroundings gets colder; and it will be my first winter experience. I am not sure and I can't imagine how cold is it going to -50 degrees centigrade. Quite freightening, but I have to be prepared, physically and moreover, emotionally.

Having a little bit of the blues and waves right now, my spirits are quite weakened. I'm just thankful that I have a friend out there who stay close even though far. Several days that we kept on talking over the phone for an hour or two, via that long distance phone card with an 11-minute syndrome. It really helps, but there's no talk session tonight because of that technical synopsis I have to finish.

Sometimes I wonder how much God blesses me since coming here, and I wonder why it seems I haven't given God much recognition of it. I'm so grateful though, but I feel that its not enough.

Exactly 13 days to go, I will be reunited with my family and it's something I look forward to. Having them here could ease up the waves I'm in to....well, family always sticks closer as they say.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Starry Starry Addiction Overtime

Starry Starry Addiction Overtime
August 13, 2008

Admiration, fanaticism, whatever you call it, all boils down to one word that is “ADDICTION”

Every once in a while, I must say that I get addicted to someone whose influential and well-known - could be an artist, a singer, a sports player or an entity. I still remember when I really got hooked up to Erik Menk that I never missed to watch every game of Tanduay where he is still part of it even if my favourite team overall is the San Miguel Beermen. And then to Bojo and Rico and Claudine that catching Gimik and other primetime shows in Channel 2 where they appear is a dire for me. When the world wide web leaped ahead crossing the millennial era of Y2K bug going to the age of “virtual society”, my favorites also jumped miles away from local artists to the Celtic pop rock sensation – The Corrs, whom I was caught with following everything about them via the internet.

With the cyworld here to stay as my aid, my unstoppable habit leads me to more favorites, bringing me into cross cultural interaction with other fanatics in the likes of Meteor Garden follower, Jerry Yan and Kim Tae Hee fanatics…back down to homegrown Sarah Geronimo’s fan. Here I have talked, chat and mingled with a lot of people including celebrities, all via the net. Several of these peeps have become my friends, of which some I have met and some stayed as virtually friendly buddy as they are.

Of course, unlike diamonds, addiction does not last forever, and mine has 1 year to get saturated, well every person has different saturation point before dropping one addiction. Those “apple of the eye” are still in my favourite lists, but I’m not really spending more time with their stuff unlike in my addiction stage. The best thing perhaps about being an “Addict” is that you make significant and unexpected friendships out of those interactions arising from common factor among you.

I would appreciate the kindness of Anna Martinez, a book author and co-The Corrs fan who have made a lasting connection by sending us a tin whistle. Hence, everytime I tried to play that thing, I always remember Anna. It’s just sad that we don’t have a correspondence anymore because her old email doesn’t work now. Maybe if she happens to read this, she can contact me thru this blogsite….

Mira, Dayee and other folks from the KTH Pinoy Angels clan are unforgettable too. Mira and Dayee have shared a fun and wet ride with us in EK, and that was my first meeting with Dayee in which her “I hate this! I hate this!” expression makes an adorable sight that she become an instant friend to my little sister. Moreover, Ate Elsie was another heaven’s sent. Our common interest extends from our favorites to spiritual and family sharing over a Jollibee Yumburger :)

And speaking of spirituality and inspiration over fanaticism, I don’t know if there’s more special bond I have developed with my so called virtual friends than with the PinoyExchange girls from SG thread. YouTube is notable too…coz I met a friend via the SG video I uploaded, whom have shared dictatorship and unconditionality with me, but I love this friend of mine.

The friendships I got with the PEX peeps extends to more than just a starry starry admiration, but to a family that brings the beauty of  friendships and helping hand. Hence, SG, though my addiction to her had reached its maximum point, she still has a special place in my register. I am very grateful knowing several people from this importance, and they are now playing part to help me cope up with my lonesome and sickening life stage. It makes me realize that perhaps, fanaticism is negative, but God designed life with its negativity to bring out the best positivity particularly in times you needed it most.

After all, I am still turning my eyes to the Supreme Maker, my Lord and Saviour. Despite my starry starry compulsion, an overtime with the friends as a result of it is worthwhile then…..

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Unusual Thing Called Art

Ever heard of the song "The Art of Letting Go"? Well, this song from Mikaila hits the chart years ago, but still for the mushy peeps around, this song hits the blues.

Lyrics | The Art Of Letting Go lyrics

I always find it easy to let go of the things I ought not to have, let them slip away as if it had never occurred. But love is just so different that when your heart holds on to it, even if your mind wanted to throw it all away, its not very easy to release and take another one. Learning this art is a gradual process. It takes courage to find another day knowing that the things you once have is gone. Acceptance is the key word, and moving on is the reinforcing task. Take charge of your heart, your life and learn the art of letting go....

An Updated Version of Me

"Someday...there's gonna be an updated version of me...and somehow you'll gonna updated version of me..."

Updated version of me, a much better person...comes from the lines of KC Concepcion's single An Updated Version of Me from her first album, Cassandra.

I first heard this 4 weeks ago when my officemate Mitch asked me if I heard this song already coz she finds it very nice. Light and easy, the song that tells about moving on and getting better. And somehow, I was inclined to listen to it song more often, as I feel that I should go and move forward, become a better person not because of someone else but because its for myself.

Like the girl in the song, I am still the lucky one after all. Its not changing yourself differently, but enhancing your good self to be better until you're better than better. Why not best? Because when you're at your best, there's no way but to move less best. I don't want to be the best in short, but I want to be better.

Behind this goal are two things: a new life adventure, and the past left for archiving....

Only 1 week from now, I will move and settle to another place; new sight, new people and new things. Myself is not new to me, so to bring harmony with the new things around is to change to an updated and enhanced me. The next big thing is the change that will be brought about by the past that was never mine. Funny, it sounds like the same old story, but when reality strikes, its quite cruel and you can't help but learn to differentiate yourself and take strides to redeem it from the pain.

I thought I was ready to bleed, with the gauze ready to suppress my tears from flowing because reality is all in my head. I'm like in the eye of the storm, where calmness of the wind is present while the sight of pain is in front you. And when the storm passes through, the strong gust of wind will shake you away to bleed for the love you always yearn for, and accepting the cut it left behind is more painful.

Thanks to a friend who helped bandage the wounds with affection and care. And now its time to move and explore new objects, opening up to endless possiblities. I find every reason to be happy despite the fact of revoked yearnings. God only knows best, and with His guide and care, for sure there will be more updated versions of me to come.

Monday, July 7, 2008

An Afternoon @ the Bayside

Spending my last few weeks here is not as easy it seems, its overwhelming actually. Even though, its so nice to see once more the usual stuff that can only be found in the Philippines. Last Sunday, I revisited my favorite mall with some friends and my sister, and here are some sights we got.


This is Manila's fine sunset, surrounded by gray cloudy skies, the beauty of the sun shines still.
Passing Sunset

Dancing water @ the middle fountain. Not very spectacular but nice to see at least because we don't have this at home :P
Dancing Water

The bayside walk at the back of the mall, one of the very friendly ideas of Mr. Sy feeding the Pinoy way of spending Sunday afternoon.
Tram Stop

The Manila Skyline...(view from MOA)
Manila on Sunday

And of course, the scenery of one lazy Sunday afternoon, with Pinoys just spending recreation time sitting and chatting with friends and loved ones. This is one of my favorite picture here.
Bayside Afternoon Treat

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I'll Take Care Of You

Randomly browsed from the open world wide web spaces...I find meaning on this unknown song by the Dixie Chicks.

The times when you don't know how to take care of yourself is the same time when there is someone, somewhere out there who cares for you. Its just amazing to realize how wonderful God is creating and maintaining the harmony of his children.


Times are hard and rents are high
What can a working girl do
But struggle through another day
Then Ill take care of you

Nights are long and dreams are cold
If theyre all you wake up to
But should you rise with crying eyes
Ill take care of you

So let them talk about us
Let them call us funny things
People sometimes do
I dont care as long
As you know I love you
Oh, and you know I do

Ill be there, but you might not see me
Its never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
Ill take care of you

Repeat chorus

Ill be there, but you might not see me
Its never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
Then Ill take care of you

Darling, Ill take care of you

Sunday, April 27, 2008

At The Beginning

Friends are like budding flowers, they blossom and grow beautiful as they join together in catching the falling rain...refreshing their spirits and strengthening their system as the rays of sunshine return to produce another set of energy to face the new day....

Blossoming 1

Like budding flowers, we are like buddies standing together, pointing to the heavens as we face the new challenges of the day...

Blossoming 2

And like your wish...I do wish too that we'll stay friends for longer time...and looking forward when we can be like this...

Euphoric Blossom

The Flower like Leaf

I hope to see you one of these the end of the beginning...when we finally find our wings...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My Newest Addiction

After recovering from the upsetting addiction in the past...I have found the hobby I always wanted :) Just recently learned how to do the macro thing in photgraphy, thanks to those help from Flickr. Here are some shots I have taken from a Euphoria flower in my mother's pot.

White Euphoria e

White Euphoria f


and another try out at the Oceanarium:

Fish Talk

Fish Forward

Friday, April 18, 2008

By the Bayside

I always believed that the sun shines its best @ 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Nonetheless, the 2nd best is when you see it sets before darkness on a nostalgic seaside of Manila Bay...


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

At 4PM I See the Blue Skies

A fun, laid-back chat in the afternoon is a nice getaway from all the fuss of work and pollution around. My most favorite one is under the sun while it shines best @ 4PM.

Last Sunday, we head a short afternoon trip to Tagaytay, a dose of fresh air after a week of sufferring from an illness. It was an unplanned visit and thus, together with family, we just commute going to and fro. After strolling around and enjoying the cloudy view of the apparent serenity of Taal Lake and its active volcano, we took sometime to sit on the grass and enjoy the sun with the wind barely breezing. Leaning opposite the view of the lake, I look upward, turning to the left to see this refreshing sight.

Sun's 4PM

The total picture was not perfect, but its refreshing enough to send me fresh oxygen all along. At least, I forgot the glaring pain in my legs brought about by my illness and the marks of needle injection all around my hands and arms.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Love Like Rain

Inspired by a new song from Daniel Doss (I actually don't know him until I heard this song).


How do we love like rain?

Rain freely pours whenever the water in the clouds gets heavy. Just like the drops of liquids that evaporates in the air, love is continuously sown by our heart. Whether we like it or not, our heart is meant to produce that emotion, its sense. But when we just keep that sense intact within the walls of our hearts, it becomes a heavy burden just like the cumulunimbus clouds. The clouds that has too much water on it looks gray, and produces lightning and monstrous thunder because it cannot let the waters flow and be a blessing to the living creatures on earth. Therefore, like the clouds on a gray and sunnyless day, let your heavy hearts release that love to water the dried soul of our fellows. Live, laugh and love like the rain....

Friday, February 8, 2008

Hey God! Do you have my address? - A sharing on Finding True Love

The author of this sharing is UNKNOWN to me, but then, its worth reposting and sharing again. True in nature...wait patiently, grow in Christ and receive his purpose. :) A man of faith would never make you unhappy, but will stay beside you even in the midst of unhappy circumstances....

I realized that its rightful to stick with the Lord's will, He knows our address.

Everytime my friends tease me on having a boyfriend at my age, or even marrying, I would just laugh and joke that I am just waiting for someone and that I would marry next year. That's because, I am not certainly sure on what to look for. I must admit that I felt that I love someone, but the problem is, he doesn't know that. And I am having a hard time letting him know because of this predicament that he's not a Christian guy. I am a witness to his playfulness with girls and that he could change from one girlfriend to another just like that. Although we're friends, I am afraid, that he might just laugh at me, or worst come to worst, stay away from me. Though I know he had that gentleness inside, as we have been working together for a time. Oh well, all that I'm certain now is that I still want to keep him as my friend.

All this time, I only want someone who could be there to laugh, cry, learn and teach with me, someone who's willing to share his life with me despite my flaws. A person who would not prejudice, and who would be gentle enough to say unlikely/harsh words when needed. But most of all, a person who's willing to listen when I would sing my love song to him. In any way, God knows our address, and waiting is worth the effort.


They are real. They are alive and well in our world. Christian singles, searching for each other. However, it seems especially hard for single women to find where the single men hang out!

Usually when we hear the term, Men of God, it is describing a minister, pastor, or priest. Those men represent a very small percentage of the men of God present in our lives or perhaps not present in our lives. A Man of God, to me, is just that. A man who loves God, puts his love for God above all things, and loves and respects his family and friends. I am learning that there are many, many Men of God out there. We just have to ask God to help us find them, when He feels the time is right.

I was a single Christian woman for a few years following my divorce, hoping to someday have a Christian man in my life. It would indeed be a new experience for me. Coming from a family in which the head of the household was an alcoholic, my two brothers began drinking from a young age. It seemed that most of the men I knew were unfaithful to their wives and finally the ultimate sadness: a husband who was unfaithful after 14 years of marriage. I’m afraid I was very doubtful there was a trustworthy man alive!

Having been married to two men, neither of whom were Christian, my life was full of distrust and unhappiness in relationships. Then my life took a drastic, wonderful turn. I was given a gift. A chance to change the direction my life had been going. My gift was a wonderful new church home where I saw relationships between husbands and wives that were different from any couples I had ever been close to. I met couples who genuinely love and respect one another. I met a couple of men in my singles group who were very serious about their faith in God, both of whom became my very special friends. I have learned through their friendships that there truly are men who believe in monogamous relationships and celibacy. This is almost too good to be true! But it is true. For those of us who have been married most of our lives this is a very hard life to live, but I was ready to follow their lead, with a lot of help from our Lord!

One weekend I had the opportunity to meet with Christian singles from all over the state at a four-day conference at Mt. Herman Conference Grounds in Santa Cruz County and discovered that there are many, many single men just like my two friends.

This conference was a truly awesome experience. I saw men and women exchanging ideas, desires, longings, hopes, dreams and heartbreaking stories of the past without embarrassment or shame. The men at this conference were not afraid to laugh and weep together or hug one another in friendship.

We had very knowledgeable speakers, wonderful music, good food and fellowship with other Christian singles. This is such a great way to meet new friends and perhaps, just perhaps, that man and woman whom God has chosen will bump into each other and a friendship will begin that will someday lead to marriage vows.

It was stressed to us at one of the meetings that we shouldn’t worry about finding the person God has chosen for us. In answer to one woman’s question about how to find a mate, the speaker, Doug Stevens, told us that we don’t have to search for the mate, “God has our address.” He will know how to get us together when the time is right. We all thought that was an interesting idea and it became the catch-phrase of the weekend. One of the speakers stressed to the men that they must wait for a woman of character. This really left an impression on my heart because it made me realize that I was not yet mature enough in my faith to be the woman who would be right for the man I wanted in my life! What an eye opener! Who me? I have always thought of myself as being quite a catch. I had to except that I had a large amount of growth to experience before God would give my address to the right man.

We need to memorize the following verse because it is very important: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) I believe that anytime a Christian marries or dates a non-Christian our faith or faithfulness can be weakened or totally destroyed. We must be faithful to our love for Christ and follow His teachings.

Don’t settle for less than God has planned for you. Don’t spend your time searching for the right man or woman. Spend your time growing in Christ and when the time is right HE WILL KNOW YOUR ADDRESS!

Monday, February 4, 2008

The Basic Rules For Daily Living

This is the first thing I saw in my Inbox today...I do not really feel well since yesterday. As rule # 1 here states, take 20 minutes for myself @ the beginning of each day, so I am writing this here as my first 20 minutes today.



1. Take twenty minutes by yourself at the beginning of each day.
2. Live above small troubles by losing yourself in big, worthwhile interests.
3. Grow every day; life is a game; keep your eye on the ball, rather than on the scoreboard.
4. Have power to see things through; keep remembering that most accomplishments are three-fourths drudgery, and one-fourth joy.
5. Alternate your interests. It is better to be busy than bored. Balance your life with work, play, love, and worship.
6. Be gracious to others; do kind deeds beyond the call of duty; remember that every person is fighting a battle.
7. Talk over your problems with others- with confiding friends, your doctor of medicine, your minister, your God.
8. Work and co-operate with God, praying that God will do something through you rather than for you.

by Thomas Kepler

Sunday, February 3, 2008

How Could I Live by Hillsong

I was looking for this wonderful song for a while...words cannot express how majestic is the heavens and its Creator :)

Enjoy and reflect on the song lyrics below...

How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free

Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and die
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life

For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Undo by Rush Of Fools

While browsing through, I bumped into this Christian track which I find to be one of my personal favorites from now on...

UNDO - by Rush of Fools

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You?re the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You?re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You?re the only one who can undo
What I've become

Road Crash Deja Vu

It was awful to come across two road accidents today. At 5:45AM this morning, I was riding in a bus going to work when soon enough; a picture of an immobile body appears before my eyes. Two motorcycles crashed into a pick-up truck while trailing the curve of the Governor’s Drive going to Dasmarinas. As the bus slows down, my eyes are wide awakened with the scene of seemingly lifeless men in the road. I felt horrible about the incident, what if that person is one of your friend or relative. I don’t want to see people in the process of dying. It’s just too painful to see even if you do not know them. To compose myself again, I closed my eyes and pray to God to have mercy on those people, if there is still an inch of life with them, let Him shed mercy for those men to live.

The 2nd accident happens just a few meters from the spot of the accident this morning, and it happened in the afternoon between 4~5:30 PM. It’s like déjà vu, I was suddenly awakened again. I would normally sleep on trips going to and fro back home. It makes me wonder what’s in this day………


Life is short in deed, and our stay on earth is indefinite, we don’t know when it is time for us to leave this place……and therefore we should live it to the fullest with a life that gives glory to the Father, so whenever that time is, we are assured that we have made our purpose here on earth.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Thankful on a Sunday...

Sunday once again, and the day is about to end, a new day will begin in a few minutes. As I wrote this, I am thinking of thanking God for keeping us safe all throughout the day, for His unending love and his just-in-time blessings. No one ever comes really mighty than You, and I will praise You Lord forever.


My eyes are very heavy now. I was a bit tired but the day is worthwhile coz we have managed to went into Mamavic's father's wake. I was a bit nervous coming in, afraid we won't catch any of them there and yet we don't know anybody except them. Glad there's her, Mamu is still home sleeping. We stayed there for a couple of hours until Mamu arrived. Chat a little bit with her and we bid goodbye to go home, its getting late and we will travel back to our provinces. Good thing the expressway is clear, I reached home @ 9PM.

Thinking of all the circumstances around, with the gels and all other kaboks, I was just amazed that we are this bonded together. It was only a past time back then when I started posting in our thread. I never imagined that we could reach this far of bonding...of course, we are like a family...and families share each other's burden, from laughter to sorrows... And I'm just glad that God's leading passes by in this point in time. I learned a lot from these new people I've met, and I thank the Lord for them as He uses to teach me real things in life...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Let it fall, Let it go....and Let God...

Let thy glory fall…let it fall…fall upon us Lord...

Perhaps this Saturday morning was one of the most haunting moments that strucked me. I was going to sleep after a long day from attending my friend’s wedding when I received an SMS message from Mamavic. It was unexpected that it’ll be about the sad news of their loss of a father. My first thoughts is that it was expected in life, and it is a fact, but what struck me is the underlying force behind that text message. I don’t know what’s in it, the way she express the news thru a short message, seeking for our prayers for the eternal repose of her father’s soul, as she said, they are not expecting it this fast.

Though I don’t really believe in the eternal repose of a man’s soul after death, because as the Bible teaches us, a man is saved by his faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ as his Saviour, and nobody can do it for a man except himself. I just thought that it was perhaps true for Mamavic’s father, he is with his Creator now. God will surely take care of him.

My tears don’t really fall when somebody died…even when my closest grandma suddenly passed away due to stroke on a New Year’s Day, my tears can’t fall down. My heart was sad, I knew it, though I can’t cry no matter how I try. I am in grief seeing my own mother in pain for the loss, but still I can’t cry. I am in denial of my tears, or should I say I have told my eyes not to cry because if I did, I couldn’t stop it anymore…that’s what I hate about me….

And now, all of a sudden, the tears that I’ve been keeping from falling down fell. I couldn’t remember when I last cried because of the loss of a person. For other reasons, yes I do cry, but for grieving for somebody departed, I don’t as much as I can. I guess everybody hates goodbyes, especially if you really love the person.

I felt a clinch in my heart when I learned Mamavic’s news, and I really felt sad for them. The girls and I treated them as family already. Suddenly, it seems all the pain I’ve been hiding from the loss of the people close to me came through that moment. I was crying, until I felt asleep, and I can’t stop myself, even if I came back to reality of this day where I was supposed to be happy. I do let go of them, as I let God take them from us, and I am letting go of the pain and burden…maybe I cried because I am now missing them, as the loss of Mamavic’s father reminded me of them.

The thought of my own father crosses my mind too, and I am missing him suddenly. For years now, I could only count with my fingers and toes how long we have been together, we have to live separately so we can overcome our financial difficulties through him working overseas.

Oh well, I am just a sentimental person…And for Mamavic, I was so grateful knowing you and your sister, you made a good cheer with us, sharing your life as somebody who likes SG as we do, and somebody who accepted us as we are. We felt your warmth and we love you as well though we knew each other for just a while. Whatever happens in life, even if it’s so fast that we could not comprehend its reasons, God always works for the good of us his children, and He heals us every time we hurt. And I will always pray for your healing, comfort and strength…Jesus’ grace abounds in you….

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Welcoming my 2008

I feel great leaving 2007 and entering 2008. Feels like there's so much more to look forward to. Hope fills the air, and joy overshadows the loneliness i've had.

I only learned today that this is the year of the Mickey Mouse :D

Thanks 2007, I've met Sarah in person, and all the other good people I became friends with. The cyberworld can really be a break or make place, we just need to learn where it is good to stay or not :D

Cheers to everyone!